21SCHIZM

The Psych Ward, is Finally, Just a Memory

If I could tell my past self one thing, it would be that, like the Trump presidency, one day the psych ward will be just a memory. Hopefully, I am not being premature in proclaiming this statement. Seeing as I have only been out of the hospital for about a year. Regardless, this is the longest I have been out since high school and the onset of my mental illness. Along with this newfound joy and jubilance of stasis comes the promise of better things to come.

Such promises at one point appeared impossible or improbable at best, If you know, you know. Through the trials I stood steadfast, though one by one my ambitions and principles wavered or even toppled. These failures only strengthened the vision of the life I aspired to live. In reflecting on my past hospitalizations, I now wield a comfort in the indefinite, a wealth of resilience, and a lust for experience. 

Just Because of the Psych Ward, Your Self-Worth is not Just a Memory

Perhaps one of the most foreboding notions of mental illness lies in the reality of your self-estimations. Your identity becomes a horde of shortcomings and actions contrary to your purported self-estimations. This is a heavy statement, not intended to be taken half-heartedly. Nor should one heed this as an exaggeration. I too, at one point possessed enterprising aspirations with accolades or achievements as support for these dreams. While my ultimate intention resided in the hope of the appointment as United States Surgeon General, I now am not as restrictive. I also sustain this dream as a motivation for self-betterment.

Mental illness only presents an obstacle. Although my life journey never braced for the barriers associated with psychosis, I am currently and constantly rising to the occasion .The uncertainty of career trajectory at times daunting, offers some room for skill diversification. Instead of devoting time and monetary resources toward the pursuit of one occupation, I remain receptive to all forms of self-improvement. Whether it be web design, writing a novel, or fostering a passion for community outreach, my life is now an open book.

This Life Yields the Opportunity for Memory and Journey of Rehabilitation

The journey to this point has afforded me a spirit of durability. Over the years, one quality of mine that succumbed to the illness, my moral fortitude, now remains covetous of growth. As a victim of mental illness, I know that the actions I commit are not always of my own intention. However, to an outsider those same actions require some source of culpability and the target often finds the victim of mental illness as guilty. The people I wronged in the past simply see a being of peculiar habit and expect nothing more than the worst. To this day the negative feelings and emotions in others spurned by my psychosis remain one of my biggest regrets.

Those affected by my actions will not magically reverse their inclinations and forgive me. My actions, on the other hand, may spontaneously revert toward the appearance of sane or peculiar depending on my mental health. Nevertheless, one’s sentiments and my intentions do not parallel each other in a positive manner. If willpower and spirituality were enough I suppose no one else would suffer as severely as some do. 

Psych Memories
Photo by Jeremy Thomas on Unsplash

Mental Illness is not A Lifestyle Choice

Although, one of the most abundant recommendations I receive comes as “go to church,” I do heed this as a dismissive suggestion. Moreover, it compounds the notion of mental illness as a lifestyle choice. The rhetoric of religion, by minorities especially, subverts the rationale behind modern mental health advocacy. By and large religion exists as a tool, which can be used for either good or bad in matters of mental health. Mental illness, in almost all cases, exists as an unabating blemish on the character of the victim.

Matters of the past aside, optimism and confidence in health, mental and physical, serve as a bastion for future endeavours. In a few years, I see myself having conquered my mental illness. Moreover, In a few years, I see my friend group expanding as I pursue more networking opportunities. In a few years, I see success in my professional life. In a few years, I envision stability and growth. I plan to have learned how to swim and hopefully earned a few stamps on my currently non-existent passport.

Know This: Every Trip to the Psych Ward Builds Upon Your Resilience

I hope for some monetary or personally fulfilling return from 21SCHIZM, as I continue championing sound mental health for my schizoids. Most importantly, I resist, with every fiber of my being, another trip to the psych ward. The psych ward and all its past experiences or multiples of memory must remain in the past. The progress of my illness already has imparted indelible moments and memories on my psyche. Of all the moments afforded to me, I value the members and memories of my health care team as the most touching. 

Now on a stable regiment, my future finally appears on the up and up. I value all of the past experiences. Sometimes based on health care personnel alone I do miss the psych ward. The psych ward exists as a pillar of my history and character. My identity as of today revels in the sordid and sometimes candid episodes of the psych ward. Life handed me psychosis and I intend to make a complete and multifaceted psychosocial experience.

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