21SCHIZM

My First Episode of Psychosis and What Happened

Placing a finger on the formalities or details of psychosis plays tricks on everyone, especially at the first episode. The what of psychosis simply cannot be associated at the onset of symptoms. Instead, the first episode, per chance if occurring prior to diagnosis, all options remain on the table. The spring of psychosis in figuration and experience heighten to the most detrimental seasons of memory. What occurs on that day, may define your future for the next umpteenth amount of weeks, months, years, or in my case decades. Ten years later and one may find themself in a similar situation to myself. Me emerging as a decadent example, fending off routine hospitalizations ten years after the initial episode. 

The diagnosis of my illness manifested weeks after the first episode of psychosis. My symptoms which coincided with my first episode were extensive. At first I began exhibiting suspicions against my ACT preparation class. I believed that the establishment behind my whole educational threshold intended on steering me outside of the academic system toward what I considered the easy but undeserving lifestyle. As I make clear in my podcast, my goal always leveled toward the pursuit of a duly earned medical degree, no shortcuts about it. Therefore I either would stand steadfast against the kickbacks, or die trying.

At First, it Seems Like Everyone is an Enemy

My central suspicions drew forth from the body language of the surrounding figures and also insinuations of media sources. I believed that whenever the superiors talked about the award scholarship they made additional effort to draw attention to me. It did not help that the actual origin of my attending the class resonated from a well connected parent’s solicitation of my mother. Aside from this, my highest suspicions piqued due to the chatter that a wealthy black family in my school found misgivings about allowing their son to carry on as business leader. He also attended the ACT preparation course and made awkward attempts to befriend me. My paranoia of course advanced full steam when on my way home from the course the radio played the song Holy Grail, Jay-Z and Justin Timberlake.

The association my mind made, linked toward the idea that my family would make me surrender all of my dreams and efforts in submission toward an easier life. All this eventually supplementing my initial diagnosis as paranoid schizophrenic. Finally, back to the supposed purpose of this article, came the actual first episode of psychosis. The issue disclosed “the media is bugged”. Furthermore, all notions against my sanity routed from this statement. For some reason, I could not help but utter this tirade in a repetitive fashion. THE TV IS TALKING TO ME! KANYE WEST POWER IS ON TV! IT’S PLAYING FOR ME! MY COMPUTER IS SENDING ME STRANGE SIGNALS! THE MEDIA IS BUGGED!

First Episode of Psychosis
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Follow the Signs, DON’T WAIT! The First Episode of Psychosis Can Surprise


Next came the response from my family. First my brother confronted me in the basement. “What do you mean by the media is bugged!” He said this while attempting to grasp me by the shoulders. Wrangling myself from his grasp, up the stairs and out the door I went. Paying no attention to the scene behind me I intended to separate myself as far away from the alleged media influence. Suddenly, as I paused to catch my breath, my brother’s arms wrapped around me. I surmised that my intents in fleeing served as futile and allowed him to escort me back home.

Immediately upon returning home I darted into my mother’s room and began to shuffle through  her purse. Perhaps, I should outline the background behind this endeavor. My mother had recently gotten an inhaler and I had often griped and moaned about my aversion to athleticism, because of my undiagnosed yet apparent asthmatic affliction. I was jealous.

Arrests During First Episodes of Psychosis Are Not Uncommon

I grabbed the inhaler as she endeavored in wrestling it from my grasp. Next, following her failure the most evocative action toward my downward spiral resonated from her call of the police. Soon they arrived, handcuffed me and shoved me in the back of the car. Their original intention vocalized as taking me to the hospital. Soon, I expressed my displeasure of the whole ordeal by kicking the window and yelling “Take me there! Take me there!” ‘There’, was my deranged supposition that the wealthy family had organized this whole situation for my alleged comeuppance. As stated before the opposite at this point appeared almost absolute.

Well folks, that’s the what of my first episode of psychosis and the beginning of 21SCHIZM. Although, in the future I could have pleaded against the whole case in a Mirandization suit. I held my misgivings. Of course I never received any resolution by way of the wealthy family. In fact the simplest way to put it may have been that I ruined my future over the course of those two hours and the two weeks leading up to it. Maybe future is an exaggeration, how about the next ten years.

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