21SCHIZM

My First Episode of Psychosis and Why It Happened

In exploring why the first episode of psychosis occurs we accomplish a few things. First we highlight the environment which facilitated such an outcome and prevent similar results in relevant cases. Second the exploration allows for a sort of self reflection. This reflection may spotlight the key flaws in one’s identity or situational response that surround the psychological episodes. Pointedly, in the medical field these details, referred to by professionals as triggers, represent perhaps the most intriguing or pertinent particulars of study. In psychology, we define triggers as stimuli i.e smells, sounds or sights that elicit some response or source of traumatic evocation.

First Episode of Psychosis
Photo by National Cancer Institute on Unsplash

My first episode happened, due to a major lapse in my own comprehension of reality. Shortly put, this affects many sufferers of psychosis. The main issue belies the admission or cognitive understanding –by the victim– that the victim’s understanding of reality remains in jeopardy. To this day I am not exactly sure where my cognizance of the first episode of psychosis lies. Was there really a method to my madness? The buildup occurred in accordance with me possibly misconstruing signs from my high school. One of my red flags happened when the chemistry teacher used memes I had seen on the computer a night before on at least three occasions. This came off as more than coincidental and contributed to my behavior.

Vocalize All Triggers! Prior to the First Episode or Not

After recounting this to my therapist some time after my detention in juvenile hall, he regarded it as a hallucination. Soon came other triggers, such as the ACT course. In this course I really caused my own undoing, due to social anxieties. I paid heed to each and every eye glance, pencil tap and foot motion. At this particular point in time, in retrospect I do consider myself comfortable with the label of paranoid. In short I exercised a bit much attention toward the insignificant. 

The reasons surrounding my first episode can be chalked up to a few explanations. To clarify, my mother never experienced such behavior before. So perhaps this cycle of hospitalization may have been avoidable if she by chance undertook a different route of assistance. Admittedly, this notion may seem a tad far fetched upon looking at my hospitalization record. Markedly, too many trips equates to some qualms on my part.

Before the First Episode of Psychosis, There are Most Likely Signs

The reason why I thought the media was bugged links up to the conduct of every single person in my social world and how I interpreted their interactions with any given type of communication. If someone even blinked after a commercial I would value it as some type of signal. In relation to the first ‘happening’ I noticed the computer speaker transmitting faint transmissions of the local radio station. At the moment a blip about local ACT training played and my suspicions skyrocketed. Following this my episode began in the basement where I ended up yelling at my brother about the media being ‘bugged’.

No logical explanation sufficed, and me being logical at most times; I surmised that the only explanation was that this was a humorous build up to a moment of grandiose opportunity. I believed that a family in my school attempted in grooming me for the partial takeover of their family business or the Skillman Foundation. Present day, I remain highly resentful of everything building up to that moment. I ask the main question, if I was so uncompromising on becoming a doctor, why would I chance it on something so indefinite? At the time I did believe that all of this was for show even when the police got involved. That is the main reason why displayed so much aggression in the police car.

Whether This Happened For A Reason is Still Unbeknownst to me

By kicking the police window multiple times I ventured in displaying my opposition to their reining of my future. This highlights the only reason why they took me to ‘the juve’. While in processing I remember the comment that the center attendant told me that made me continue to think this was all a joke. He said “I had a grandson who went to your high school. Funny thing is he wasn’t smart enough to stay in. Why would you wanna mess that up?” That was the comment that made me believe this all occurred thanks to the Skillman Foundation.

All in all, most things happen for a reason. Although brain chemistry manifests as the most prevalent reason for psychosis, we often can allay more significant triggers. In fact, most experts seek to identify the main reasons for relapse or onset. Instead of leaving the occurrence  up to chance. In my case and at the 21SCHIZM camp we wish we would have vocalized my concerns earlier on. 

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