21SCHIZM

My First Episode of Psychosis and Who was Involved

Imagine witnessing the onset of a circumstance so surreal that it jars your whole perspective, almost like a paradigm shifting piece of media. This event, the first episode of psychosis, in its fruition arrives with a myriad of ripe and pungent emotions. Now imagine this experience happening to someone close to you, or even yourself. Now those emotions feel much more personal and the consequences remain ever more present and severe.

Fear, regret, stress, anger, guilt and more all accompany the feelings I felt and still feel about my condition in its infancy and the events surrounding onset. Mental illness, psychosis, schizoaffective disorder, schizophrenia, all label or identify the highly variable events or experiences that follow onset. Even so, with all the variables and sentiments that compose a condition nothing quite compares to the sensation of that first experience. Whether victim or spectator, the first episode of psychosis’ onslaught spares the tenderness or emotions of none.  

First Episode of Psychosis
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Best Believe, Psychosis is Not a Solitary Experience

Believe that psychosis, mental illness or what have you is certainly not a solitary experience. Everyone, not just in your inner circle but in your whole life feels the effects of your turmoil. While this is not true for some at onset, for me this reality preceded and followed my actual first episode of psychosis. That said, in this article I intend to relay the sentiments of every unique and distinct character experiencing my pain from separate perspectives, the external — of my first episode of psychosis. Moreover, some of these perspectives will be presumptive as some perspectives were never vocalized.

Firstly, the personage expressed will stem from my mother. She experienced the brunt of the episode first hand alongside my brother, sister, and the police officers involved. Yes, there were police, however the actual scenario will be discussed within the seceding content. At the climax of the episode she called her church friend for advice and her friend instructed her to call 911 for medical help. The calling of the police paramounts the extent of her involvement. My older brother undertook the task of physically restraining me. I endeavored in running away from the immediate locus of the situation. This meant fleeing from the house. 

No One Wants to be Your Adversary in Psychosis

My younger sister in these situations, often played the role of mongering in hopes of better behavior. In this particular event she ventured in removing all media or technological outlets from my presence. At the moment I considered these actions a stark opposition to my efforts. In truth my sister’s actions almost always befit the moments as adequate. I probably maintained bitter misgivings only because of her age. I considered it severely disrespectful that she as a younger sister felt it necessary in exercising actions that exceeded her maturity level.

The final party included, as promised, manifested as the police. As a black male familiar with numerous cases of police brutality, I cannot definitively declare that the cases were not warranted. In this occurrence however, one significant figure protruded as strange. The officers did not clearly state my rights as a detained minor. Ripe to such an occurrence, I proceeded with a certain level of naivete by not relaying all the information to the attorneys. Thus my detention as a minor never achieved proper litigation in my role as a defendant.

All parties accounted for, this introduction suited 21SCHIZM the years that would follow. In brief, the following years did not best this moment by any means. Though the following encounters transpired mostly at home or in hospitals, none of them seemed hospitable. Perhaps the opposite remained true. Moreover, the following cliché proved true or at least in my delusions. It was me against the world and the world against me.

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