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Treatment or Time, My Cure for Psychosis?

My most recent visit to the psych ward, occurred in May of 2020. I however, am not completely positive that the source of this stasis lies within my medical regiment. In short, I will relay the progress of my medical treatment as it relates to the past year or so. Although, this progress coincided with a period of mental and medical stability. Whether it was time or treatment against psychosis is something of which I am still not aware. I leave the judgements up to the audience as to which they believe serves as the best cure, patience or prescriptions.

Prior to this period of tranquility, I totaled at least 25 hospitalizations from the year of 2011. To get an idea of how common this is, or is not, consider the statistic from healthconstitute.org asserting that the average American visits the emergency room 34.5 times in their whole lifetime. All of my hospitalizations began in the emergency room and occurred under or at the age of 25. In summation this amounts to at least one hospitalization for every year of my life.

Meds, Meds, Meds!

Since then, or the last time I experienced inpatient care, my treatment entailed Haldol (antipsychotic), Clozaril (antipsychotic), Depakote(anticonvulsant) and Cogentin (anticholinergics).  Initially the Clozaril pegged at about 25 mgs orally. My doctor charted the side effects of excessive drooling and constant drowsiness. He then adjusted the Haldol to 100 mgs, the Clozaril to  300 mgs and removed the Depakote. This was done to mitigate the side effects. The Haldol, administered by injection and Depakote administered orally were considered to exacerbate the side effects. Moreover, the doctor also increased the Cogentin from 0.5 mg  to 1 mg  in parallel of the other medications as a method of correcting side effects.

Viewing medicine as the only savior may falsely attribute success in favor of an uncertain source. Indeed, medicine must have played a role. However, whether treatment over time remains the keypoint serves as the most important question in the game of psychosis. I have suffered from psychosis for what I believe to be a considerably long and arduous length of time. I still suffer from psychosis, especially the voices. Presently, the voices just do not influence me toward negative behavior. They have not tapered off. 

Even When Treatment Progresses, Psychosis and the Voices May Persist.

Instead they fill my idle mind with activity and challenge me in the pursuit of strange motives. An example of challenges I endured, questioned the true source of light bulbs. Obviously, Thomas Edison comes to mind as the general consensus. Yet, the voices impel me in going further as to how he invented the marvel. Sometimes they even refute common knowledge or results from internet searches as falsities. Regardless, this still drives me to one inquiry. Why have the voices stopped making me fulfill radical and self-detrimental actions? Over the course of my illness the voices insisted multiple times that I abruptly halt medicines and this usually resulted in a hospitalization.

Treatment or Time Psychosis
Photo by Ksenia Yakovleva on Unsplash

As of late the voices insisted in halting medicine only once and it only lasted for a weekend. The aforementioned “late” refers to the past year. I did not end up in the hospital. In the past, I received medical prescriptions utilizing similar components to my present one. However, I never encountered this cocktail or pattern of treatment. I also fared negatively on more sedative and heavy medicines. The irregular pattern of abuse and relapse makes me believe that the answer may lie in progressive time. I am not an expert on the subject nor am I a novice, but imbued with a wealth of experience, I must say that this stasis fringes as a happenstance occurrence at best.  Happenstance occurrence or not I am extremely pleased with this progress. 

This stasis serves as a rebuke. It rebukes the notion that mental illness always results in damning retribution. It rebukes the ideal of mental illness as a lifelong impediment. Though I still hear voices as frequently as I did before, my psyche still rebukes against trips to the hospital.  Either treatment or time, psychosis remains the victim. Let my success stand as a rebuke against all history of mental illness. Whether it be medicine or time, my experience stands as a fortified rebuke against the suggestion of mental bondage and illness alike. (Written in 2021)

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